Hello listeners, I'm just pouring myself a glass of delicious cold hatred and I'm just gonna
up on that for a little bit.
Why are you sipping hatred?
What kind of start is that to this podcast?
Yeah, I know.
I'm sipping a golden cup of love.
Actually, I'm going to stop.
I'm trying to give up hatred.
Have some love, man.
It's tastier than hate.
It doesn't have that bitter aftertaste.
You're right.
Is this diet love?
Yeah, that's diet love.
Yeah.
I was on full fat hate there.
Hello, my name's Joe.
Hi, this is Adam.
And welcome to the Coca-Cola New Music Podcast where we play you the best unsigned music from around Europe that we've managed to gather from of the month.
Around myrup.
Around myrup.
It's the new internet way of saying Europe.
Yeah.
It's not yourrup, it's myrup.
It's together.
It's ourrup.
Oh dear.
Myrup.
What?
Anyway, listen, we've got great music for you, listeners.
Thank you very much for downloading the podcast this month, and I don't think you're going to regret it.
No.
Can't guarantee, obviously.
But we're going to start with a very strong track, indeed.
And this, how do you feel, Joe Cornish, about the following?
Ponies?
I love ponies, they're lovely.
Yeah?
They're like little horses.
That's true.
In fact, they are little horses.
Yeah.
Little furry, ooh they're soft, ooh tickle their tummies.
I think you're getting ponies confused with cats.
You know what I'd really like?
What?
Is like a very posh little girl who was brought up in Australia and quite spoiled.
Yeah.
Who had a pony when she was a child.
She was obsessed with ponies as a child.
Right.
Entered various horse shows, a bit like that film National Velvet.
Remember that film?
Yeah.
Then she grows up
becomes a woman and suddenly all her girlhood fixations with little ponies become something sexy and twisted electronic and interesting and she forms a band and what does she call them vote show pony she's a sexy Australian woman and she's wearing a tiny cocked top hat it's a valid generalization that little girls love ponies and then they grow up
And they start to love men.
What, the ponies?
No, the girls.
But ponies as well.
Some ponies love men.
That's the love that dare not speak its name.
Between men and ponies.
Well, let's hope we find out a bit more about that in this, our first track from Vote Show Pony.
Sorry, I've got a pony in the studio.
I think this is called City Girls.
Stop it, stop it.
Pony.
I haven't given it a name, I just call it Pony now.
That's City Girl by Vote Show Pony.
Yeah, I think that deserves to be a big smash.
Well, she's got a lot of things going on there, doesn't she?
She's got the Kate Bush vocal inflection, which is nice, she works it well, and there's a sort of electronicy, Scissor Sisters type burble happening there.
And some fantastic backing vocals, melodious harmonic vocals going all over the shop.
All over the shop?
All over the shop.
In all areas of the shop.
Excuse me, you can't go over to that area of the shop.
That area is closed for stop taking, don't go in it.
That's staff only.
Attacks on staff will not be tolerated.
Are there any shops in which attacks on staff are tolerated?
That's the kind of shop that I would like to go into, where they actually encourage attacks on staff.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
They hire the grumpiest, most unhelpful staff they can.
And you're allowed to smack them?
And you can smack them around a little bit.
Why would you smack them around for?
Well, you would smack them around for appearing to be delighted when they are unable to help you.
That's my prime beef with many shop assistants.
Do you know what I mean?
Excuse me, have you got City Girl by Vote Show Pony?
No.
Can you help me find it?
Not really.
No, system's broken down.
It's not on the computer.
When's it out?
Do you know when's it out?
Do you know what the catalogue number is?
Well, if you don't know, how am I supposed to know?
Smack.
At that point you would smack them in the face.
And in our magical shop, that would be encouraged.
The lead singer of Vote Show Pony is called Sorica Hawkins.
Her nickname is Scorcher.
Scorcher Hawkins.
Yeah, as in the famous 80s Sun headline.
few water scorcher and she's quite attractive she's got a myspace page and a sexy haughty demeanor and a tiny little top hat on her head at an angle like lady snooty
Anyway, so there you go.
City Girl by Vote Show Pony.
Only a matter of time, surely, before that.
Yeah, what are you doing, record labels?
Why aren't they signed?
Yeah, exactly.
Why aren't they at the top of the charts?
Absolutely.
I mean, because that must be a no-brainer for the marketing department.
What are the marketing department thinking?
big sexy Australian model.
Come on!
Good voice, interesting tunes going on there, lyrics about taking Charlie to the party and taking the man out of you before you're broken into.
I tell you what she likes, is she likes to spend the night together dressed in leather.
It paints such a vivid picture.
Why would anyone want to spend the night together dressed in leather?
Because she's a dirty city girl.
But that's just uncomfortable and impractical.
And she likes the tutti.
No, it's dirty.
It's sexy discomfort.
Okay, let's move on.
This track's called Favourite Song.
It's by a band, or a man, called Guts.
And it's apparently mixed by a man called Gui.
When I like to have a song of mine mixed, I only go to Gui!
Gui is the very best.
Mixer.
I only go to Guy.
If I say to the man, excuse me, I would like a track mixed, he says, would you like it mixed by Gerard?
I say no.
Would you like it mixed by Saint-Olemixer?
I hate Saint-Olemixer.
Would you like it mixed by Pierre?
No, I don't like Pierre.
Well, the only person that left available is Guy.
I like Gui.
Oh, that is perfect.
Can I hear, please, an example of Guts of Gui?
Oui, voici une track de Gui.
Oh, je t'aime already.
There we are.
That's favourite song by Guts.
What would be the one question you would ask Guts if he was in front of you right now?
Man, there's so many things I want to ask Guts about.
You can ask him about anything.
Well, it's so difficult to choose a single thing.
Yeah.
Because, you know, obviously he knows all about everything.
Shall I narrow it down?
Yeah.
What question would you ask him about B-Days?
Right.
I don't know.
Do you know what I would ask him?
What?
Are they phasing the B-Day out?
What, this is just because he's French?
Because you went to America recently, right?
And bidets are French, yes.
Did they have bidets in the hotels where you stayed?
Non.
No, there are no bidets anymore.
When I went to America in the olden days, once or twice, they had bidets everywhere.
It was like the thing to have a little bidet.
And I didn't know what they were.
You know, to me it looked like a fun mini bath where you washed your dollies.
I thought they were.
Footbaths.
Well, exactly.
Footbath or dolly bath.
Just an enjoyable little place to hang out.
It turns out they're for washing your bumhole.
Your bottom hole.
Can you believe that?
The French are outrageous, aren't they?
Why is that?
They're disgusting.
Well, they're disgusting in a way, but also they're less disgusting.
Well, they're much less disgusting.
Because they've got cleaner bumholes.
Yeah, I mean, it's an admirable obsession to have a hygienic undercarriage.
Where of course the Japanese combined the lavatory and the bidet and they have jets of boiling hot water Activated by the press of a button what douche your douche hole
Yeah, that's right.
You've got to sometimes cup your Julie's, otherwise they could be blown right off you.
Whereas the British, I don't bother with it.
They're not bothered.
Just got stinky bumholes the whole time.
It's not a nice topic of conversation, but when you start thinking about it, it's hard to forget about it.
I just wonder why, like, there seemed to be a point in maybe the early 80s or the late 70s when B-Days were all the rage and they were sweeping the world, and now it seems as if everyone's just forgotten about it.
Forgotten about the B-Days.
Well, it might be the invention of moist toilet tissue.
maybe you're right.
Or, you know, more roomy boxes and things like that, that keep things, air circulating down there a lot more and everything dries out much quicker.
I think this is an unpleasant topic of conversation.
Yeah, it is an unpleasant topic of conversation, you're right.
That's your fault.
Shall we have more music?
You are my favourite song I can recall.
Where are two go we now?
Now it's time for some British music, listeners.
You know what I like?
I like it when a band chop up a phrase or word into little different bits to create a new phrase or word.
For example, we've talked about this before on our other podcasts, but Public Enemy are fond of doing it.
Music in our mess age can also be read music and our message.
For example, well, here's a band that's done exactly that kind of thing.
They've called themselves a band on hope.
Yeah, yeah.
Abandon hope.
What's good about that is... Did you hear what I just said to you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to take it in, man.
It's basically blowing my mind.
Good.
What I like about it is the polar opposites of the two meanings.
What?
Exactly.
Abandon hope.
a band on hope.
Are they full of hope or are they hopeless?
Is the world going to end or is the world just beginning?
It's what we all feel like day to day with the current political, social and news climate.
Turn on the telly.
Everything you see is depressing.
go out in the street, it's sunny, but is that the beginning of the end?
You know, should we be happy or sad?
Should we be sane or mad?
Yeah.
There's a lot to think about there.
There's a lot to think about.
And you know who's been thinking about all those things?
A band on hope.
This is a track by them called Spaced Out Breakout.
And the lyrics are dealing with many of the things we've just been talking about.
The feeling of being trapped in the matrix, that's something that we all worry about.
And just being spaced out in general, whether it's on things that you shouldn't be putting in your body or just with anxiety.
Well, let's have a close listen to those lyrics and see what we make of them.
yeah man yeah yeah that is nice sounds you know yeah do you remember do you remember that song that we just like that song we just heard about like space do you nah listen man do you remember the song like a moment ago with all the bloke and all the talking about space and all that like cosmos in the boombox do you remember
What did you say just now?
What did you talk about?
What?
What were you talking about now?
What are you doing in my flat, man?
What is your name, man?
Who are you, man?
Shut up.
You're freaking me out about all that stuff and talking about it.
Where's the sofa?
What have you done with the sofa?
I speak anti-matter.
My mum's dead.
Yeah, what?
What?
This was filmed on location at the alien invasion.
I love you.
Yeah, what?
I love you.
Shut up and get off.
What?
What are you talking about?
I love you, Ness.
I don't, I feel, what is this?
You're confusing me.
What's in this cigarette?
are we even worth saving yeah what the human race yeah you are you are man i am man you am i i i am no do you hear that i said i i am man i am man oh man
Yes, so there you go.
We were just eavesdropping there on an evening with a band on hope.
That's the kind of thing they chat about when they've been rapping about space.
It reminds me of other great space raps.
Do you think Eric B and Rakim's Follow the Leader counts as a space rap?
Yeah, it has similar cosmic metaphors.
It's got a set of space sounds going on there and that's surely one of the greatest space raps of all time, but I enjoyed that very much.
The brilliant line, planets are small as the balls of clay.
Yeah, there you go.
For instance.
Flowing through the milky way, world's out of sight, far as the eye can see, not even a satellite.
Yeah, we won't be able to get copyright clearance for these lyrics.
Yeah, there you go.
Anyway, so there's a band on hope they speak anti-matter and They're asking a lot of important questions there.
I like that song a lot.
I particularly You know love the rap itself, but I really like the stuttery kick drum.
Mm-hmm a little fluttery stuttery kick drum around the beat Yeah Often that's the key to good hip-hop, you know placing your placing your is it
Yeah, I think, in my brain, I'm not saying I know what I'm talking about.
For me, the key to truly excellent hip-hop is an MC that will throw down so brutally that it bitch-slap your ass right in the face of the area.
Is it called a kick drum?
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
But that was a very good song.
Well done.
It wasn't a song.
You can't call it a song.
It's a jam.
It's called a jam.
You can't even call it a jam anymore.
What can you call it then?
A unit.
Unit.
Now, if you're a budding producer, if producing is your thing, if you like the knob-twiddling, then you might be intrigued by this track.
This is by a band called Fools of Fortune, and it's called Johnny Took on the World and Lost.
But we've been debating, we've had an interesting little debate in the studio as to whether this is deliberately sort of muddily produced as a stylistic choice.
It sounds like almost a demo vocal on this track.
Or is it...
You know, is it a limitation on their part that they just haven't got very good gear?
Because usually the standard of production here on the Coca-Cola New Music Podcast is extremely high.
And we're not saying that this isn't well produced.
We're just not sure whether it's sort of deliberately amateur.
They might be sort of old technology queens, you know what I mean?
Like they've eschewed computer technology completely and gone back to their kind of four track
To me, it just sounds like a good old honest bedroom production.
Yeah.
You know, and it sounds as if the band are in mum's bedroom and the lead singer's in the attic.
See, that's charming stuff there, I think.
That is by Fools of Fortune, with Johnny took the world on and lost.
Very, very reminiscent of Jilted John as well, of course.
Gordon is a moron.
In the hands of a producer they might try and make him shout, or sing through a megaphone as is the current style, or distort his vocals.
But no, I think they should keep him all soft and sweet sounding.
Well it was very honest wasn't it?
Yeah.
It was nice, straightforward.
Yeah.
Unironic.
Yeah.
Liked it.
Well done.
Two and a half thumbs up out of a possible three thumbs up.
What happened to the other half a thumb?
Adam and Joe, I'm withholding it for questionable production values.
Well, I thought we said we don't know whether it's intentional or unintentional.
That's why I'm saying I don't want to throw all three thumbs in there.
Guys, I give you three thumbs up.
I think unsigned bands, they don't need this wavering support.
Second single comes out, turns out to be a turkey, your three thumbs are going to come back and smack you right in the nose.
Do you think so?
Oh yes.
I don't care.
Just hedging my bets, that's all I'm doing.
Do you regularly get the Yellow Pages delivered to you free?
You know what?
The Yellow Pages is my favourite magazine.
How about the phone book though?
When was the last time that you not only unwrapped the phone book from its free cellophane packaging, but actually used the effing thing?
Who has used the phone book?
Who's looked up a number?
Thank God you've brought this up.
In the phone book recently.
I'm just thinking because there's often a vein of
climate disaster awareness about our conversations, Joe, we're right on that.
And you're saying that the phone book uses a lot of paper.
They're destroying, they're digging up large chunks of the planet to make the phone book.
Can you get all their numbers on the internet?
Who uses?
Who?
Who you?
Who uses?
I've been joined by an owl.
I've been joined by a giant owl called Michael.
Who you?
Um, I use it every now and then.
Well, in the olden days, it was, you'd say to someone, you know, I'm in the phone book, so you'd meet someone and they'd say, my name's, uh, uh, Robin Charlesworth.
I'm in the phone book.
And then you'd think, it was good meeting Robin Charlesworth.
I'd like to give him a phone call on the telephone.
Oh no, except I don't know his number.
So then you'd, yeah exactly.
Charlesworth.
Robin Charlesworth.
And look, here's Robin Charlesworth's address too.
It would be underneath the number.
64 Charleston Mansions.
Villastown.
Villastown.
64 Charleston Villastown.
So I have the option of phoning Robin Charlesworth and visiting him if I should so wish to.
Yeah, now what do you do if you meet Robin Charlesworth?
He goes, Google me you ****.
He goes, I'll whap you my deets.
I'll whap you my deets, you f***.
F*** you.
F***.
I'm on drugs, you f***.
I just whapped you my deets, you s*** loser.
That's what it's like nowadays.
That's how the world's changed.
Do you like Russell Brand?
He's f***ing funny!
How very modern.
That's amazing, isn't it?
That's a portrait of life in 2007.
How the world's changed.
But you know, you used to be able to get the nice lady on Directory Inquiry.
Yeah, that's true.
And get a number.
But now that's all privatised.
Yeah.
You just get charged up the spout.
Exactly.
For it.
Well, you used to be able to lie to the lady sometimes as well.
You know, when you were in a public phone booth, you could do that thing of ringing up and saying,
My Martin P got jammed.
Can I have a free call, please?
And they would say, OK, connecting you.
Certainly you can.
Do you promise me it was jammed?
Yes.
OK, connecting you.
That's what it was like in the old days, listeners, before Tony B Liar.
Thanks a lot Tony Blair.
Thanks a lot Tony Blair.
You've ruined Britain.
Tony Blair.
And the British Isles and Northern Ireland.
Exactly.
And the rest of the world and Iraq.
And the Asian areas.
Exactly.
And Al Gore has ruined the climate.
The environment.
Thanks a lot for that.
Thanks Al Gore.
Thanks Tony Blair.
And you know what?
Thanks George Bush.
Yeah, for organizing the party.
The shrub, I call him.
The shrub.
You should.
You know what Bush is another word for?
What?
Shrub?
Time for more new music.
This is Half Past Eight by The Caves With A K. The Caves There With A K and Half Past Eight.
Now listen, remember out there listeners, if you've got a band and you make new music and you're not signed, then you can upload your track on the Coca-Cola website, right?
Yeah, exactly.
That's what this is all about at the end of the day.
And there's so much good music.
I mean, we listen to a great deal.
We have to filter it out to just select a few tracks for these monthly podcasts.
But of course, you can listen to many, many, many more tunes on the Coke website.
I suggest you do that immediately.
And... And it's anybody's game, you know.
We listen to all the new music.
And, you know, only a few tracks stand out, right?
That's right, yeah.
A lot of it's very samey, listeners.
A lot of people ploughing the same musical furrow.
That's true.
You know, listeners, it's really not that hard to make an impression.
Yeah.
Because you just have to avoid what everyone else is doing.
When you're doing your song as good as it is, ask yourself the following question.
Does this song sound like something that's in the charts right now?
If the answer's yes, then add a triangle.
What do you mean at a triangle?
To make it different.
Oh really?
Is that the key?
Yes!
A triangle?
How many triangles do you hear in the current pop charts?
That kind of thing.
That kind of thing.
Wow.
Just record that.
Loop it onto your track.
Add a triangle.
And if that sounds too much like Lonnie Liston Smith, then add something else.
A French lady with a tiny top hat.
That's right.
A stuttery kick drum.
That'll get you noticed.
Or try being as crazy
as eccentric and individual as our last track today.
Now this is an outfit that, if there's any justice in the world, you should hear a great deal more of in the future.
Just the names enough to get you listening.
Yeah, yeah.
This band is called Julius Martov and the Sexy Mistakes.
Now that is a good name for a band.
In a way, we're all sexy mistakes.
Wow, extraordinary business there from Julius Martov and the Sexy Mistakes.
Now we really built that one up before we played it, didn't we?
It deserves to be built up.
It is good, come on, listen.
It may not be to your taste, listeners, but you cannot deny that kind of sounds unlike anything else you've ever heard, unless you've heard a lot of The Fall and The Jesus and Mary Chain.
And legendary Pink Dots and sort of obscure indie bands from when indie was indie.
The biggest sexy mistake anyone can make is downloading those pictures.
Yeah, that's obviously quite a big sexy mistake.
The key sexy mistake anyone can make, I think, is to drink alcohol and think that it's going to make life easier in the sexy department.
Do you know what I mean?
Because things just... Surely it does.
No.
Yeah, if the other person's drunk alcohol, then you can make a sexy mistake together.
You know, that's what I get from Julius Martov and the sexy mistakes.
That it's nothing to be ashamed of, you know?
Right.
We're all mistakes.
Life is chaotic and dirty and filthy and exciting.
Yeah.
You know?
And that's what he's embracing there.
Thanks for listening listeners, listening, and we'll see you next month.
No one's listening now.
No one's listening apart from you.
If they had any sense they would have switched off about 20 minutes ago.
If they had no sense and really liked us they would have switched off five minutes ago.
The only people listening now are people who've fallen and can't reach the computer to stop it playing.
Well, thanks, fallen people.
Thanks to those of you who have fallen and can no longer reach the computer to stop it playing.
We hope that you're not too badly hurt and will join us again next month for more unsigned European music fun.
With us, Adam and Joe.